AU: In which Bonnie finally gets tired of being the hero and wants to teach everyone a lesson, starting with Damon.

— You’re comparing me to a 40 year old virgin? I’m not worried about— what! This is an uncomfertable—— what.
Well forgive me for not wanting to sleep with someone just to “get laid,” I’m old fashioned. I prefer waiting.
Damon— no, never.
Klaus? Absolutely not.
Kol—?.. You mean to spell Cole? I don’t recall ever meeting a Cole before.
So obviously, no no, and no.

No…. you’re not. Go home, — Damon.

Are you drunk—?

Because that’s obviously a way to get a pleasant response from somebody.
Hi, Vampire.

I prefer being nice over cruel—.
No— you won’t ! What is wrong with you—!? I don’t want him dead anymore. And if you even try to kill Damon.. you’ll be the one that’s dead, not him—!

Because I can’t.. He’s protected Elena and a lot of other people I care about. We have a mutual agreement on most things, though. But Elena.. ‘loves,’ him.. and I can’t do that to her.

F: Matty.
M: Jeremy.
K: Damon.
Not too keen on the last one though..—

No..? Quite honestly, I didn’t even want to know that they kissed, let alone what they do in the sheets— bed.